Friday, November 30, 2012

Crazy Conciousness.

I've been guilty of given power to irrational thinking. While I know that is so dangerous and only self destructive, but last night I was pushed to a point where I felt the pain of being so overcome by emotions that I felt separated from my consciousness and who I am. I had a terrible panic attack last night. Its the first one I've had, I've never experienced some thing so prolonged and separated from God and the truth of reality.
I honestly felt crazy, I thought I was being attacked by soemthing supernatural, turns out my thoughts and mind are much stronger than I had ever realized.
Now the only way I can prevent something so terribly as this, is to be aware of the distructive thoughts I believe, the irrationality that consumes and deforms my truth and confident.
I WILL overcome this, I do NOT have to get to that point again.
I am not going to be my own worst enemy, I will treat myself better than that and make sure that I do not allow irrational thoughts that decieve me.
My boyfriend isn't going to just get up and leave me for no reason.
JUST because that has happened before does not mean anything! My relationship is healthy and a blessing and SO different than the rest which I am so thankful for. THAT'S the reality, not my creative dangerously imaginative mind that took over last night.
Keep in mind it's about to be that time of month and I've been sick this week, but it's not just that.
Truth is a truth.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Dear God, take this anxiousness, I clearly don't know how to deal with it. I am fearful of another attack please rescue me from that experience, I am depending on you.
Cast all your fears upon Him because He cares for you.
I'm letting go of last night right meow.
This is real life.  An image that helped me last night was the warmth of Christmas and family and such. So THAT'S what I shall be changing my train of thought to. No matter how silly, I will be doing that. I refuse to be overcome.